Sunday, November 20, 2011


This is my favorite time of year, from Halloween to New Year’s Day I love everything about it. I love that the weather changes as well as the time, all of the festive decorations, the family togetherness, the music, the holiday scents and flavors that only come around once a year and even the holiday shows that come on TV. I love this time of year. Thanksgiving and Christmas are my two favorite holidays but those holidays evolve around food and lots of it! Last year getting through those holidays was a blur between clean outs, work and going to Temple University Hospital twice. My goal every holiday season is to stay out of the emergency room due to holiday eating. Last Thanksgiving I was very lenient with my diet; this year I have to be more careful.

The past few weeks have been very vague. I went to see my surgeon a couple of weeks ago and my incisions look wonderful. He said that I need to talk to my GI doctor about my regulation issues. We discussed my nausea levels and if they have seemed to improve since the surgery and I told him that I hadn’t noticed any difference. After discussing my overall post-op condition he mentioned the idea of an ileostomy and how it had helped a fellow GP patient. I told him that I was happy with how I am doing regardless to the regulation issues. I was very thankful for him helping me surgically and relieving me of all those clean outs. He said if I needed him to give him a call.

I decided to give it another week before I called my GI doctor about the regulation issue. Since I have come home from the hospital I have used milk of magnesia several times to clean out and just doubled the dose to make it stronger. Unfortunately it was never efficient enough. I noticed that I started gaining weight and was becoming distended. How can someone gain weight when they are hardly eating; things are backing up internally. I called my GI doctor and drank a bottle of magnesium citrate while I waited. I was beginning to experience pressure pain and it felt as if my sides were going to rupture at times. As many times as I have fussed about drinking that terrible stuff I have to say it is very efficient at doing its job. My GI doctor finally did return my call and asked what was going on. I explained the whole situation and his suggestion was to continue taking my two Dulcolax that I take in the morning, my regular GP diet and a half bottle of magnesium citrate every day or every other – my choice. I chose to do the magnesium citrate every other day. Hopefully this will create some regularity for my system. If not we’ll go from there.

During this time in the back of my head I’ve been thinking a couple of things;

  • The surgeon told me that I would slow down going to the bathroom and that it would just take time.
  • I’ve been down this road before with my colon. Is this a repeat with my small intestines? Are they slowing down like my colon did?

I have known for a long time the possibilities and I’m okay with that. I have also been working on managing my personal stress. One day it just went off like a light bulb that I have to manage my stress. Stress is like throwing gas on a fire for me. It has got to where my stomach and intestines become knotted up and hurt, my pulse shoots up and flare ups seem to happen a lot easier. I have to manage my stress and stay calm which is perfectly fine with me. Who doesn’t like being less stressed?

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

learning new things...

I went to see my gastroenterologist last Wednesday. I don't believe I have ever had an appointment fall on such a better date or time. I had started experiencing some abdominal pain especially after I ate and it continued to intensify Tuesday throughout the night. By Wednesday morning I was only able to eat one piece of toast without the pain becoming comparable to some of the surgical pain I had recently experienced in the hospital. Something felt off, I should be moving forward with my diet not backwards.

My doctor did notice some distention of my stomach but there was no hardness and I was still able to go to the bathroom so no blockages! This was one of my main concerns. As he felt around he said that the distention was most likely my small intestines being pushed out. All along I've thought that I just had a bit of a stomach. I use to work out, run and do all of the types of crunches to get rid of this "pooch" that I had. I now know why it never left; it was an organ. (All of this working out was several months after my diagnosis. I was living in a different world and life style then.) I explained to him that after I ate, the pain intensified. He decided to call my surgeon and they both agreed on doing an x-ray abdominal series just to make sure everything was flowing correctly.

My next question for my doctor was about laying down at night and the sensation I experienced; what was that? Were my intestines really moving? He said that before my colon was in place and that kept my small intestines from moving along with everything else being impacted. Now with the colon being gone, there was room for things to move around along with the food that I consume throughout the day. One thing that was comforting and relieving to know was that I know longer have to deal with my IBS anymore because I no longer have a colon. No colon = no IBS! I got the same answer from both my GI and my surgeon; stay away from fruits and vegetables in order to avoid blockages. I am allowed to eat peanut butter, pasta and cheese though. As for the whole constipation issue, I was confused as a whole. If I had constipation before my colon stopped working and when my colon stopped working I had issues of colonic inertia (where the nerves and muscles of the colon do not work normally so nothing is able to be moved throughout the colon as it should). Since I no longer have a colon, am I constipated? That question was one of those "I don't know questions" because I have a delayed small intestine so we don't know how delayed my small intestine is/will become over time so we don't know if I'm constipated because I'm not regulated yet. Who knows?! All I know is I am so glad I am done with the colonic inertia thing for good. It makes constipation seem like a walk in the park.

I did talk about blockages and the NG tube with my doctor. We laughed about it because I honestly didn't know what I was signing up for when I agreed to have the tube inserted in my nose but I honestly didn't care at that point. He did say that if I ever had a surgery that made my organs become like they were in the hospital whether because of anesthesia or surgery (that was my understanding; anesthesia puts our bodies to sleep) I could get another blockage and get to experience all of that lovely experience again. Oh what FUN! I'm really not worried after all, I'll beg to have that NG tube inserted while I'm still out of it so the worst would be over ;) . After all, I've got bigger things to worry with. I was thinking one day, I will never have another NG tube in my life and then I realized I said that about the anorectal manometry; I had another performed manometry within several months of saying the very same thing. GP has some uncomfortable procedures but I suppose they just make you stronger as a person.

I had my x-ray series the following morning and it was a little deja vuish (if that even counts as a word). I walked right past the bay where they hold the inpatient beds who are waiting for x-rays and then if I didn't walk right into the same room and have the same x-rays when I was in the hospital. Oh my gosh!! Number one; there is no way I could have done those x-rays that day; I'm sure of it now. Number two; seeing all of those people who were patients (in house) made me remember how sick I was and made me thankful for my recovery but feel bad because I know what it is like to lay there and feel like you're going to die because you feel so bad. Crazy feeling to experience. Anyway, I got my results and there were no blockages and the pain that I had been experiencing was from surgical air. Another one of those GP/delayed motility perks i suppose.

So along with all of the informative information I've learned as well as bodily adjustments I've been experiencing I went to the dentist yesterday. I dread the dentist; between the noise, scraping of teeth, flossing and gagging, I'd rather get a pap smear or several Heparin shots and I just had around 36 of them. I do NOT like it and I take care of my teeth. I'm a frequent brusher, between five to seven times a day and I do the rinses as well. So I go to the dentist and I cringe my way through the scraping and flossing (I hate flossing; give me gore and blood any day just not flossing) and we get to the mouth trays with the foam stuff and that suction thing. This gets me every time. I start to gag and I am telling myself to suck it up; the NG tube was much worse, it's just for one minute. Finally the dentist comes in and I ask him to check my teeth for any damage the magnesium citrate could have caused. Yes of course it has, I should have known! One hundred and forty plus bottles have caused my teeth to become cloudy and I always brushed immediately after. He asked why I was drinking that and at that quantity and went on to ask about my diet. I found out that liquid diets and the mouth (teeth, gums, jaws) don't mix well over time. Since my diet is more liquids than solids I will not be chewing as much so there poses the issue. My mouth (teeth, gums, jaws) will not be used as much so the body will stop sending nutrients to it (like I have much to contribute) and over time things will start to go down hill. As for the liquids, liquids don't require chewing so cavities become a problem because chewing helps this process. I need to start chewing sugarless gum, rinse away the liquids when I am out in public away from my toothbrush and personally I am going to try and watch how many sugary drinks I take in. I came out with one cavity.... stubborn GP. I would have never in my wildest dreams though GP would effect my oral care but obviously it does.

I have learned so much within the past week and that's not including what's going on with me at home with my GP. It is a constant thing trying to keep up right now. For instance, I ate a few Cheez-Its yesterday and it turned my stomach upside down. Those have always been a safe food. It is all about trail and error again and learning what works and what doesn't work. I feel like I have been newly diagnosed again. I am still happy with my decision though about the surgery. I think about it all the time because my body is constantly reminding me and I wouldn't go back to the old mag citrate way of life for nothing!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

learning a new normal...

It has been one month today since I had my surgery. Where has the time gone? It is been such an overwhelming and yet odd experience. I was talking to Jacob one night and I told him that I had experienced so many changes to my body that I didn't feel comfortable with it. I know that sounds extremely strange but I went into this surgery expecting to feel this way when it was all said and done. For example I had the whole magnesium citrate routine down pat; I know what to expect and when to expect it. I could go to bed and rest easy knowing that nothing unexpected would happen. However with the surgery, everything is new and it has thrown my body all out of sorts.

At night when I lay down, I feel my whole abdominal area shift and everything moves which makes me nauseous. I like to sleep on my side and it took me several weeks to be able to do that because of my incisions pulling. When I would lay flat they would pull but not nearly as much as they did when I laid on my side. When I go to bed at night I love to listen to my ipod. Music makes my world go round. Until two nights ago, I just wasn't comfortable enough to do that. It sounds crazy but I just wasn't ready. I have finally been able to make it through the night several times without waking up which has been WONDERFUL!! I'm usually up several times during the night which gets old and just makes for a long night.

My diet is generally the same; mashed potatoes and bread. I have branched out and added a few things for variety and flavor, I was getting desperate. I've started eating chips which my surgeon approved as well as baked tator tots and sugar cookies. I have attempted to eat french fries and they seemed to be okay but I am proceeding with caution because of the grease. Friday I started craving Dr. Pepper. I had been doing so well but I gave in; what could a small half glass hurt? I slowly drank it and it didn't bother me until around 1:30am. Oh my goodness the intestinal pain! I have decided to give up Dr. Pepper, I am officially finished. It was not worth that pain.

Yesterday I started having abdominal pain followed by some nausea. It lasted throughout the yesterday and into today. I'm not sure if I have been eating too much or what. I decided to go to a more liquid diet to give my stomach some relief. I ate some potatoes for lunch today and sure enough the pain and discomfort intensified. Luckily I go to see my GI doctor tomorrow.

I am becoming much more comfortable with myself. I have learned to take it easy and slow down. I am having to learn what works and what doesn't work with my GI tract. This is going to be a long process that will just take time.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

nine nights, ten days...

After many months of waiting September 20th, the day that I was to have my colon removed had finally arrived. My surgery was scheduled for 11:30 that morning and we were to be at the hospital that morning at 9:30 to begin the admitting process. I woke up feeling no feelings of anxiety or worry. I had had months to prepare for this. After all, this whole process had been seventeen months in the making so my body was tired and I had had plenty of time to work through the emotions.

We arrived at the hospital, Jacob and I being the first to arrive and checked in. Whenever we have any type of surgical procedure, if I can have any type of control of where we sit, I pick the very back corner of the waiting room where we sat when my dad had his colon cancer surgery. It may be strange but it just feels comfortable and I always know where everyone is at. I figured that I would be waiting half the day before I was called back due to surgical delays since I had a later appointment but I truly didn’t wait that long. Within an hour and a half I was in the surgical bay in my gown and being hooked up to an I.V. I had expressed my concerns to my GI doctor, surgeon and anesthesiologist that I did not want an I.V. in my foot or neck like the last time. This time I was very lucky; my nurse was experienced enough to know by my skin type, hair and freckles that I would be a hard stick so she knew where to go. It took one stick and my I.V. was good to go! My family was allowed to come back and spend some time with me. Personally it is always easier to be the patient than to watch your loved ones being the one on the gurney. Before I knew it, my surgeon came by and ran over a few last details as well as the anesthesiologist. We said our goodbyes and my family left. They ask me a few last questions, administered some medication and rolled me away to the operating room. I was wide awake when I got there. They let me move myself onto the operating table. I even talked to them for a bit. They started hooking me up to some of the machines. Me, being a curious person medically was checking everything out. There was so much to take in. They placed the mask over my face and told me to start taking deep breaths and that is the last thing I remember.

My surgery lasted for around four and a half hours and I was in recovery for around two and a half hours. When I woke up in my room, the pain was horrible. I remember to the best of my knowledge moving onto my bed and realizing “oh my gosh, I just had surgery and no one told me it would hurt this bad.” I told the nurses how bad it hurt in a not so nice way. They had me on a PCP morphine pump which allowed me to push it every six minutes which was nice at the beginning to curb the pain.

By Thursday, I had started to come around and began to feel better. I had ate some jello, showered and even walked a few laps around the floor. Everything was looking up. Thursday night I started feeling bad. I started to experience some diarrhea and well as some increased nausea. My parents were getting ready to leave and Jacob was going to stay the night with me. I ask my mom to stay just a little while longer until I got to feeling better but that never happen. Not long after that I started vomiting every time I moved until two or three the next morning. It was horrible. Every time I would vomit, my abdomen would feel as someone was twisting it and sticking a knife in it; horrible, horrible pain. During this time, I did something I feel so terrible about, I sent Jacob home for no apparent reason. Jacob has always been by my side through thick and thin. He stayed every night but this night. Morphine is not a good drug for me; it makes me feel strung out and clouds my thinking. No more morphine for me please.

Friday morning a doctor from the GI department came up and ask what was going on. By this point my mom had been rotating bathing basins instead of those little curved basins. My mom told him what was going on and he asked what color my vomit was. My mom said that it was the same color as my diarrhea (sorry if that is TMI but it is relevant). This had already crossed my mind earlier in the night when I saw it come out as I was throwing up, lovely – I’m throwing up poop in so many words but I was too sick to care. My mom looked at me and told the doctor to hold on a minute and he could see for himself and sure enough he did. The GI doctor was very sympathetic and I ask if my GI doctor was in. Within a short time, my GI doctor was in the room telling me that there was nothing they could do for me except put in an NG tube down my nose. The vomiting was coming from where my system had shut down during surgery and everything had backed up and there was nowhere for it to go except up. The NG tube would suction it out. I agreed to it because I was exhausted and couldn’t take much more.

They sent two nurses in with the NG tube shortly after to place the tube. They placed a good amount of KY Jelly on the end of the tube and had me drink cold water as they stuck the tube up my nose and down my throat. It didn’t work very well. I started projectile vomiting. This happened for an hour. After several attempts, they got the tube down. It was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. I have a horrible gag reflex so that didn’t help at all. I kept the tube in until Tuesday I believe.

From Friday afternoon until Monday afternoon, I really have no memory of anything. I have bits and pieces. I had a foley catheter and that posed a whole big issue with my bladder. The nurses wanted it out and wanted to do in and out catheters and I told them I would do it myself since I know how. I didn’t want them touching me (lol, the morphine talking). Later in the afternoon, I told them to leave the foley in because I was too weak. This kept on going until my surgeon stepped in and told them to leave the foley in (thank you!).

Another issue was where my organs had stopped and there was the possibility of an ileus (an abdominal blockage). They needed to do an x-ray to confirm this. I didn’t want to go (again, the morphine talking). They brought x-ray to me but it wasn’t clear enough so I had to go. At first they brought a wheelchair. Yeah, I could barely sit up; there was no way I could ride from the eleventh floor down to one of the bottom floors to have a series of x-rays – forget it. They came back with a gurney. I agreed to go and I thought I’d die as they transferred me from the bed to the gurney. It was the longest ride. They said I’d be gone ten minutes, it took over an hour. When we got down there I had to wait for a few minutes and I got to thinking, I was the youngest person waiting and in the worse shape from appearance. I felt as if I was going to die. The x-ray technician was really nice. He asked what I had done and had the look of “oh my gosh!” He ask if I could stand for three x-rays each taking one minute each. Three minutes, he would have to help me up and he agreed. I sat up on the gurney and I was done; there was no way I could stand up for three minutes. We had to do the x-rays lying down. It was all I could do to roll over to get the films under me and he had to help me roll over, it was really bad.

Monday a friend from work came but I had no memory of it. Monday afternoon I remember because I remember things started turning around. Jacob and my dad told me over the weekend I would sleep with my eyes open. They would look over and I’d be there but I wouldn’t be, I’d just check out. Several people visited but I have no memory of it. My mom said I didn’t talk, I just answered in moans and groans. I defiantly don’t want to relive that weekend.

Monday when I started feeling better, I realized that I had the tube and it became really annoying. I couldn’t look at the liquids that it was pumping out. It was too nauseating. Since I hadn’t vomited recently, they took the tube out on Tuesday. Every morning at 6:25, anywhere from five to seven doctors would come in and examine me. They ask me if I’d like to have the tube removed; YES! It was super quick. All I had to do was breathe out and it was out. That day I started on liquids. The next day my surgeon wanted me to move up a step on the gastroparesis diet; mashed potatoes, rolls and toast. Everything stayed down believe it or not. The deal was if I threw up, the tube would come back into play. I did throw up one morning when they gave me medication. They gave me everything in pill form except my Protonix and Colace. It was NASTY! I only threw up the medication so it didn’t count luckily.

My surgeon couldn’t believe how everything had turned around. One day I went to the bathroom thirty-five times but since then it has slowed down. I ate five meals in the hospital and each went without a hitch. I spent nine nights and ten days in the hospital. He released me under the condition that if anything went wrong, vomiting, abnormal pain, not going to the bathroom right I have to come back. I was sooo happy to be released.

The almost hour long ride home wiped me out. I didn’t realize how weak I was until I got home. Since then, I’ve over done it several times but I am getting some of my strength back. I realized that this would be a hard surgery but I never realized just how hard of a surgery it was. I went into the hospital weighing one hundred four pounds and came out weighing ninety pounds. My diet now consists of mashed potatoes, bread and a few chips for flavor. I have sneaked some sugar cookies in there, I couldn’t resist. I am still very scared of food. I do not want to have deal with the possibility of having another ileus. The whole bathroom issue is slowing down which is nice. The whole process will just take time to adjust to learning what works with my stomach and it will take time for the bathroom issue to slow down.

Friday, September 16, 2011

counting down...

Today I started my second round of my surgical prep. I was so excited; this was my last bottle of magnesium citrate. There is the exception that I may have to clean out again if the surgery isn't successful but I'll deal with that when I have to. Anyway, it was my LAST bottle of magnesium citrate (YAY!). I paced myself and got through the bottle seemly quicker than usually. I suppose the motivation came from knowing I was "ultimately" finished with the nasty stuff. I got it all down and darn it I gagged and up it came! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?! I am finished with this stuff and now I am going to have to drink the amount that I just threw up. Wonderful... no, not really. Instead, I went for a walk with my grandmother to get what I had consumed down and moving in my GI system. I learned a long time ago that if I walk after I drink, it gets things moving much quicker and efficiently. When I got back home I carefully drank the amount I needed and prayed that I wouldn't throw up more. Who in this world would want to more? It never fails, whenever I need to throw up something, I can't. However when I don't need to, like in this instance, I do. Ultimately, the goal was accomplished. I am finished with magnesium citrate!

With Tuesday approaching and my clean outs taking their toll on me, I am getting weaker. Wednesday clean out left me feeling like I usually do - tired and weak. It kept me up until three Thursday morning. I woke up later that morning and as soon as I got up, I blacked out. It left me wondering how the day would go considering how the morning started but I mostly felt weak. My legs would just tremble as I stood or I would have that constant jello feeling. It was either one or the other but it was a good day.

I started my second clean out today and I was told to rest by my parents. I had to switch from a liquid diet to a clear liquid diet, you know the "clear liquid diet like you're having a colonoscopy diet." This diet will be my undoing before it is over with. I always struggle with this diet. I get so cold, hungry - probably because I know I can't have anything and just weak from this diet. Since Wednesday, I have consumed a box of those Edy's Frozen Fruit Bars (I love them!). Today I had to switch over to plain jane popsicles. There is no comparison between a coconut frozen fruit bar and a banana flavored popsicle... nothing! I'm just stating the facts. I have to live on this diet for who knows how long so I'll get to try all the flavors I'm sure. One of the healthy things I'd like to do after surgery is give up soft drinks with the exceptions of regular Coke when I'm really nauseous. You know how everybody has their drink? Well I'm a Dr. Pepper drinker, day or drink. I could drink Dr. Pepper twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week and never get tired of it but DO NOT get me a two liter, I only like cans or twenty ounce or below size bottles. The drink loses its kick if it's in a two liter bottle.

Sunday I start the finale; Golytely, a gallon of salt water basically. My plan, (ha, ha - the key words being "my plan") is to have everything somewhat ready by Sunday morning so I can just focus on the clean out. I am a very organized person, I'm all about the details. If I can get everything somewhat ready, I will be able to relax and not over do it Sunday or Monday and be able to rest. Knowing how weak feeling I am now and how weak I will be by Monday, I'm not going to be up to my usual speed.

I've been thinking how it has been such a long process; emergency room visits, missed work days, doctor appointments, tests, surgeon appointments, phone calls with doctors, a biopsy and it will all be over with soon. I am so excited and happy. Life can eventually move on. I will still have gastroparesis no doubt and I can move forward. It all makes me happy.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

looking back...

This time next week, I will have had my surgery and be in a room enjoying some nice pain medication I'm sure and on my way to recovery. It is hard to believe that it is less than an week away. I was thinking today, seventeen months with an average of two bottles per week, at the beginning for two months I did one bottle per week and earlier this year I was doing three bottles per week, I have consumed a ballpark average of around 143 bottles of magnesium citrate!!! No wonder I get cold chills when I look at the stuff and have to gag it down. I have consumed WAY too much of that stuff. It wasn't made to drink on a bi-weekly basis.

Today I started my surgical prep. It will take me six days to prep for the surgery; two bottles of magnesium citrate and one gallon of Golytely. I will of course be on a liquid diet from here on out. I will be completely wiped out by the time Tuesday rolls around but I would rather be clean than have any surgical complications from not being clean. The only issue that poses from cleaning out this much is where are they going to find a vein at? I have expressed my concerns and they claim that everything will be fine so we will see. As long as no I.V.s go into my feet or neck, everything will be fine with me.

Thursday morning I woke up and my stomach started bothering me after breakfast; that intensified nausea and acid feeling. I attributed it to breakfast and my more relaxed diet over the past few weeks. My GI doctor had told me at my last appointment to eat which makes since because after surgery, it's going to take a while to get back to some normalcy. My body will have to learn how to function without a colon and that will take time. Who knows what my GP will be like after surgery. I have been enjoying my food but it has caught up with me. I should have known that Thursday morning was the beginning of a flare up. My parents went out of town Friday night and I had went swimming with Jacob. We went out for dinner (bad idea) and I came home and my stomach started distending. It was not pretty. I was so nauseous, miserable and full. Why did I eat?!? I finally gave up round eleven thirty, took my Tylenol PM and went to bed hoping that it would help get me through the night. I called Jacob and told him to keep his phone on in case I needed him. I prayed that my stomach would settle, who wants to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night especially on a Friday night.

I woke up the next morning and I thought I was free and clear of my flare up but no. I of course was out of Zofran and questioned going to the emergency room if my refill wasn't refilled by my doctor at the pharmacy. I was getting desperate. I was trying to drink my magnesium citrate and it was a downhill battle. After an hour of attempts, I finally got my magnesium citrate down and my parents arrived with some Zofran - RELIEF!!

It's Wednesday and I'm still dealing with this flare up. I had to stop eating so I could start my surgical prep but I realized that this would be my last time that I would be able to eat for a while so I just dealt with the nausea and distention. I had hoped that this weekend's clean out would help end my flare up but it seemed to make my stomach and intestines feel more inflamed.

If my flare up last until my surgery that is fine. At this point I really don't care anymore. I got to eat and that was what mattered to me at that point. I have made a list of things to do and slowly everything is getting done. All that matters is getting to Tuesday. I am so close!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

a change in plans...

The past few weeks have been relatively normal. I am no longer working. My employers and I decided that it was best for me to stay at home and gain as much strength as possible before my upcoming surgery. The last few weeks of work had become really difficult for me. Between the blacking out, the dehydration, the headaches, the chest heaviness and feel weak, it was all becoming too much.

I met with my anesthesiologist and surgeon on August 25th for pre-op. We covered everything from the blacking out and high pulse rates to my dehydration and issues with finding veins on the day of surgery. We talked about the whole "cleaning out" process. Before he had mentioned drinking two gallons of Golytely but luckily he changed his mind. We talked about it and I told him that I'd try it but I just didn't think that I could physically fit all of that liquid into my stomach since you drink it in fifteen to twenty minute increments per gallon. When I did a gallon of Golytely for my colonoscopy, I could not do the entire gallon because it literally would not fix into my stomach due to the slow emptying of my stomach. Tests later showed that I had trouble with liquids.

He came to the conclusion that I would do a round of magnesium citrate then switch over to the Golytely. Just knowing that I don't have two gallons to drink makes me feel so much better. I asked about my diet after surgery; when would I be starting liquids and solids? He told me that he was leaving everything up to me (THANK YOU!).

This brought me to my next question; a feeding tube. We have talked about having a J-tube which is a feeding tube that is put in your small intestines put in. He said the only issue with having a J-tube is that I will be sick.... every darn day. If I start my feedings at 10pm, by 2am I will be up sick. I have spent enough time in the bathroom, I'd like to take a break. I told my doctor I didn't want that. He said that it would be a continual thing and that I'd never get any rest. He would contact my GI doctor to discuss other options being either a G-tube or TPN.

We were finishing up the appointment and my doctor said there was one last thing, there was a conflict with the surgical date. He needed to reschedule. WHAT?!?! I automatically started thinking about dates. This is a surgeon's office at a hospital who is very, very busy. I. AM. IN. BIG. TROUBLE!! Luckily he came back in the room with date, September 20th... thirteen days away from the previous surgical date. He apologized, it was out of his control. When we got out of the office I looked at Jacob - SEPTEMBER 20!! I've been cleaning out for fifteen months and waiting on surgery since March. Yes, it's just thirteen more days but I was ready then.

Needless to say, I got over the anger and frustration. There was nothing I could do about it. It gave me thirteen more days of being pain free. Who wants post-op pain right? The time is going by quicker than I thought it would. I can't wait for September 20th to get here, I'm ready to have it behind me. Everything right now revolves around this date. I'm just ready to start the recovery process and begin to feel better even though it will be a struggle at first.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

an unsure forecast...

I only have two weeks until surgery!! If someone would have told me in April or May that I would have to wait until September to have surgery, I would have pulled my hair out. There were days, honestly I didn’t think the biopsy day would get here and here we are two weeks out from September 7th…. wow! I have mixed feelings about the surgery. I wouldn’t cancel this surgery for NOTHING! You know how they say you can’t be sick and have surgery. Call if you have a cold or cough…… This girl here, you’d never hear from her.

I am darn well determined to have this surgery. My family has been sheltering me from people who are sick. Whenever my GP got worse, I had just started studying to take an EMT class and my doctor told me that working in situations like that would not be good since I believe 70% of the immune system is in the intestines. My intestines are affected by the GP. I stopped studying for the class but if someone I was around was sick, I didn’t really heed the warning. I am now. Just get me to the OR and everything will be okay.

Up until yesterday, I was good with everything until I realized just how soon my surgical date was approaching. It would be wonderful if we lived in a perfect world, like the old Walgreen’s commercials, and we knew that everything would be okay. I don’t have all the answers, will my surgery be successful, will my pelvic floor muscles hold up or will I one day have to have an ileostomy? I am determined to not have the latter but ultimately I know that God’s not going to give me more than I can deal with so that is where I find my comfort. No one said life was going to be easy or comfortable. All I know is that I have two weeks left and two bottles of magnesium citrate!!