Thursday, December 17, 2015

an important life lesson...

It is hard to believe that the end of the year is here. Honestly, where does time go? This upcoming May, it will be eight years since my diagnosis of gastroparesis. Looking back, I never thought that I would go through and experience the things that I have experienced over the past eight years. I feel that my experiences have made me grow as a person. Several years ago when I was really struggling with my gastroparesis, I often wondered what would happen to me as a person based on what the doctors told me. I never imagined that I would be at peace with my health condition, be happily married and be a mom.

On Christmas Eve, our daughter will be four months old. It simply blows my mind. She has been such a blessing to us. Motherhood is amazing. Over the years, I had doubted and worried what life would be like if we were to have children. Would I be able to physically do it? What kind of life would we/I be able to give our child because of my disease?

Several weeks ago, I noticed that my GP was acting up. I began experiencing stomach spasms. Almost immediately, I knew that it was time for another round of Botox. I had always wondered what would my child think about seeing me in the hospital. Would it bother them? Would it effect our relationship? What would they think? I went last week to have the Botox administered into my stomach. As I was being taken back into the procedure room, I thought about how my disease was taking me away from my family. Instead of spending time at home making memories, we were at the hospital. I have always feared that I would miss out on some of our child's life because of my disease. Whenever I woke up, I was greeted by my husband and daughter. After I woke up and got my bearings, I asked to hold our daughter. I was a mess physically, but I learned a really important lesson. Regardless to how I feel or look, whether I'm at home or in the hospital, I will be my child's mother. My disease does not affect or change that.