Wednesday, August 24, 2011

an unsure forecast...

I only have two weeks until surgery!! If someone would have told me in April or May that I would have to wait until September to have surgery, I would have pulled my hair out. There were days, honestly I didn’t think the biopsy day would get here and here we are two weeks out from September 7th…. wow! I have mixed feelings about the surgery. I wouldn’t cancel this surgery for NOTHING! You know how they say you can’t be sick and have surgery. Call if you have a cold or cough…… This girl here, you’d never hear from her.

I am darn well determined to have this surgery. My family has been sheltering me from people who are sick. Whenever my GP got worse, I had just started studying to take an EMT class and my doctor told me that working in situations like that would not be good since I believe 70% of the immune system is in the intestines. My intestines are affected by the GP. I stopped studying for the class but if someone I was around was sick, I didn’t really heed the warning. I am now. Just get me to the OR and everything will be okay.

Up until yesterday, I was good with everything until I realized just how soon my surgical date was approaching. It would be wonderful if we lived in a perfect world, like the old Walgreen’s commercials, and we knew that everything would be okay. I don’t have all the answers, will my surgery be successful, will my pelvic floor muscles hold up or will I one day have to have an ileostomy? I am determined to not have the latter but ultimately I know that God’s not going to give me more than I can deal with so that is where I find my comfort. No one said life was going to be easy or comfortable. All I know is that I have two weeks left and two bottles of magnesium citrate!!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

a good GP day...

A good friend once told me that whenever you have a good GP free day get out and enjoy it! Jacob and I use to be a very active and busy couple before my GP diagnosis and GP progression. I remember during one week, we might go to Hickory or Winston for dinner and a movie while hiking in the mountains all weekend not to mention what we did locally. We tried to go or do something every weekend.
Now looking back, I see how privileged we were to be able to get out and do things. I was talking to some friends this week about how our diets have changed and how some people complain about how hard it is for them to eat "healthy". I will never be able to eat the average person's "healthy" diet again and I would give anything to do that. Until you lose something, you don't realize what privileges you have. Honestly, who wouldn't love to eat fresh fruits and vegetables, especially a salad?

I have the most caring, giving, loving and understanding boyfriend a girl could ask for. He has been through more that he signed up for. He is a great gift giver. Every few months he surprises me with something. Back in the spring, he surprised me with tickets to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert which was wonderful! After the concert he informed me that I had another surprise in a few months. The only kink is that he gives NOTHING away except the date. I'm talking no location, time of day, town - NOTHING! I think and guess for months which drives me insane but luckily he is a good gift giver so I trust his judgement.

After several months of waiting, Saturday finally got here and I found out we were going to Charlotte which didn't narrow down the possibilities of who or what we were seeing (I promise not to do a Google search). We pull up to the coliseum and I'm almost sure we were seeing the music group Shinedown until I see these older people and that was thrown out the door. I don't believe someone in their 70's is going to be listening to a rock band like Shinedown.... just saying. We walk in and there is all of this basketball memorabilia. No way, I don't do basketball. Luckily when we got inside I saw the Cirque du Soleil signs and I was sooo excited and relieved. I would not know what to do at a basket ball game and I'd drive Jacob crazy asking questions.

I have wanted to see Cirque du Soleil since... FOREVER! We, I mean I had planned on seeing Cirque du Soleil whenever we go to Las Vegas. (I have this desire to go to Vegas if it kills me. I have to go.) The show was remarkable. The costumes, music, the acts - WONDERFUL! My absolute favorite act was the Russian Bar Act. I have attached a link so you can watch it.

It was a wonderful day. My GP was manageable. It took two naps to get me through the day but if that's what it takes to be able to enjoy a good day out with Jacob, it is totally worth it.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

too much magnesium citrate?

Over the past month, I have really been able to tell a difference in how I feel. I've been getting weaker, my blacking out has become more frequent with the blacking out time becoming longer each time. I've even started having trouble sleeping so it makes me even more tired. I never expected this. I have never had trouble sleeping so this has really thrown me for a loop. I'm the girl who could sleep anywhere.

I went to work Monday feeling tired and weak. I was running a few minutes late due to having trouble getting ready. Now when I get ready for work in the morning it's a struggle. I am usually ready for a nap after I get ready in the mornings. I'm just so weak and tired, it wears me out. Whenever I got to work, I parked where I normally park and walked to the building where we have morning devotions. By the time I got in the building, it felt as if my chest was caving in and my heart was going to beat out. Of course I couldn't find a seat to sit down in so I decided to ride it out. If I collapsed in the floor, I collapsed in the floor. There was nothing I could do about it. I learned long ago to hide how I was feeling. It isn't always a good thing but it can come in handy.

After I left devotions, I felt very heavy physically and weak. I continued to feel like this all through out the morning. I called Jacob later in the morning and told him that I would be coming home around one that afternoon. I just felt to bad to work all day.

When I got home, I was still feeling the same. I was walking through the house and stepped down into our family room/office. As I did, my body completely gave out and down I went. Of course this couldn't happen and no one witness it. As I looked up, there was my brother Chase asking if I was alright. I said yes, that I was just weak.

My parents had been doing busy so when they were both home, I told them of the day's events. They told me that I needed to call my GI doctor. I honestly didn't think anything of what happened. I just thought I was weak as usual. I called the doctor's office and found out that I should have went to the ER that morning whenever I experienced the chest heaviness and palipations. They wanted me to come on to the ER then but I made deal with them. Since I had an appointment tomorrow in Winston, I'd just come to ER then to be checked out. They agreed that would be fine as long as nothing changed; no more black outs, dizziness, chest heaviness or weakness. It sounded fair to me.

I had an appointment with my neurologist the following morning. I love my neurologist but that whole story is for another time. He has always been in my corner. I told him about the events that took place the day before and he didn't believe that they were neurologically related but he wanted to make sure by running and EEG brain wave study. We discussed my migraines and headaches that have become more frequent due to my cleaning out and diet regime. Whenever I told him how many ibuprofen I take along with my migraine medication, he informed me that with my GI condition, I am going to make a hole in my stomach and vomit blood. (LOL... I do not want to experience that. I'll back off on the IBU.) He gave me a new prescription and sent me on my way.

We got to the ER as instructed and I stated my case. I usually have a no trouble, I get to see someone from GI. This time, the one time I needed to see one from GI, I was told that I wasn't seeing anyone from GI. Oh well. Even though my doctor was being difficult, he seemed knowlegable. After an I.V., bloodwork, an EKG and heart ultrasound the conclusion was that I clean out with magnesium citrate is depleating a lot from my body. In turn, this is causing the blacking out, chest heaviness and weakness. There was nothing they could do for me. If I experience this again, I am to go back to the ER. I experience this almost everyday! I have blacked out seven times in one day. I would live in the ER. I'm still not sure what I should do whenever I experience those feelings, especially the chest feelings - those are scary. I now do not drive whenever I have days when I am blacking out, it's just not worth risking it.