Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Trying to deal

I am so excited yet unsure at the very same time! It’s an odd feeling; I’m full of emotions (poor Jacob). The pain clinic called today about my referral from my GI doctor and they have an opening… TOMORROW!!! We’ll get to discuss how to manage the pain I’m experiencing in my upper abdominal area that radiates around to my back. It is neat how God works things out perfectly. Today has been an intense day, I ate yesterday so I look somewhat pregnant and with that comes pain. I considered calling in this morning because when I rolled over I thought, wonderful, not another day of this. I am not a morning person so I don’t deal well with things like that in the morning because I’m already dealing with the normal morning GP nausea. So, I laid there for a few minutes, got myself together and went to work. Tomorrow, I could have a solution to my pain!
I have been preparing myself mentally for the possibility of a feeding tube. It may sound stupid but hear me out. My biggest medical fears associated with GP are feeding tubes and colostomy bags. I just can’t wrap my head around it. One, the idea that something is going to be inside of my intestines that will be feeding me for ten to twelve hours a night. I will have to be still for that long a day. Six to twelve months is a loooong time. Two, the risks of infections. Flushing it, keeping it clean and protecting the site. And three, I cannot believe that I may have to deal with that possibility. When did my GP get to this point? I know I am being selfish. There are other people whose GP conditions are much worse. It’s just that shock factor mixed in with the numb feeling. I may be able to keep my weight above 100lbs. I don’t know exactly what the future holds; I just need to be somewhat prepared.
I am enjoying my time at home. It is nice to be able eat and not worry about getting sick after. If I get sick, big deal. Overall, I know that everything will be okay; it’s just hard to grasp that right now. God has a plan. He is not going to give me something I can’t deal with.

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