Thursday, April 22, 2010

keeping up...

I am at that age where people who within my age bracket are either getting married, having children or moving on with their careers (i.e. grad school or better career choices). I am not able to do any of that at the moment and it kills me!! You know that saying two steps forward and one step back, in my life currently it is one step forward and two steps back. I can not seem to get ahead. I am too occupied in my life trying to keep my lunch in, keep my job at the current position (forget job advancements) and have as much as a “normal” daily life as possible. I have heard of GP being an invisible disease and boy isn’t that true. I may look fine on the outside but see me at home or after something has made me sick, it shows.
I made a dumb mistake today and ate ten M&M’s. The pain has not left yet. I don’t understand GP sometimes. My friends are busy with general life and I am trying to keep up with stuff that should “function” normally… like my GI tract. I am having a pity party. I am continually hearing “When are you getting married?” Well honestly, I would like to be able to eat my wedding cake and not spend my honeymoon in the bathroom!! I want to feel good physically when I get married. This is the part of having GP that kills me. I don’t want to compete with my friends, I just feel like we live in two different worlds. Thank goodness Jacob is patient and accepting. I could not do this without him.


  1. Jennifer, Your Jacob sounds like a gem...and so do you. I met my John when I was young like you (21)...I got the illness I wrote to you about in my last comment when we were dating...24 years and a whole lot of physical and life challenges later he is still here and is my gem.

    Love, it beats everything else out. When I was younger, I felt like, and even used to say "I'm sitting on the side of the rode, broken down waving as my friends drive by". It sucks to be just sucks!

    Those early years, John and I spent a lot of time in the ER and many nights we were both awake with my pain. We searched for answers...took nine years to diagnose. Through it Jennifer we got married and we had three babies. Never did we know how we were going to do it, it has never been perfect, but somehow because we do this life has been beautiful.

    Now we have a grandbaby. I don't know how I'm going to be a grandma with my physical challenges and pain, but I know I will find a way.

    It comes clearly through that you are full of life and wanting to live it to the utmost. No matter how sick you are still that Jennifer who is full of life and lives it to the utmost. Right now you are living it with all you've got while dealing with a severe case of GP. ...and I think you are amazing.

    Ten M&M's huh? I love chocolate too. I remember the first time my tummy rebuked jr. mints. I couldn't believe it--3 jr. mints and I was in agony. These days I eat too many jr. mints without pain. I hope that knowing that might give you hope that there will be better times.

    Do you take protonix? Without it my GP gets severe. It is the strongest acid reducer (rx.) and I have to take it am and pm...or my GP flares. Wonder if it might help bump you up to milder GP symptoms.

    Also, do you trust your doctor? Do you feel like he/she has your back and treatments in line no matter what? For me this has been my worst I knew she would try everything to keep me going and now that I am doing pretty darn good, it gives me peace of mind knowing she's there.

    I've written you a novel...and I probably sound like a "grandma", but I want you to know that life is still here for you, just in a different way ...You will find your way, whether with GP or with it going away or becoming mild...perhaps it will be with all your current plans, perhaps you will adapt your plans, but no matter what you're the beautiful Jennifer that comes through your blog.

    Holding you close at heart and keeping you in my prayers that you will again eat awesomely delicious M&M's without suffering, Kerry

  2. I understand where you are coming from. This is an impossible disease. You would think that there would be something doctors could do! I hope everything gets better and that there are more "good" days ahead!